


What Do I Want? (HankCon)

by CrimsonFandomTrash



Series: Detroit: Become Human Stuff - HankCon & Reed900 Hell [4]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Asexuality, Connor Deserves Happiness, Gen, Hank Anderson Swears, M/M, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 23:19:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15828981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrimsonFandomTrash/pseuds/CrimsonFandomTrash
Summary: Connor can't understand a lot since going deviant, and now someone brought the topic of sexuality into it, making him even more confused.Like, yeah, he kinda likes Hank (although it doesn't seem to actually be going anywhere, given how hardened the Lieutenant is), but he doesn't feel sexually attracted towards him... Or anyone, really.





	What Do I Want? (HankCon)

   There's a lot of things about 'being' that Connor can't really understand.

   It's arguable, even to him now, as to whether or not he was really 'being' before going deviant. Like, yeah, he existed, but on some sort of level, he really didn't. Hank tells him that, before he went deviant, he had a lot of personality, for an android, but Connor can't really see it. If anything, he feels more machine now, not that it made any sense. His LED was gone, Amanda was gone (not that she was ever really there in the first place), his hair was messed up like an average Joe's, and Hank's colorful vocabulary has been rubbing off on him, making him even sound more human. He looked and sounded human, but he didn't feel it. Everyone else had no issue figuring out who they were after the revolution. Markus loved painting in his spare time, like his father-figure Carl, and he actively protests for other important causes. North liked to sing, Josh and Simon liked playing video games, and everyone else seemed to be finding their identities faster than Connor was.

   He felt like he was running on autopilot. Everyone else around him, though made of the same synthetic materials as him, felt more... Authentic. Fleshed out. He wasn't like anyone else from Jericho, and it was very obvious. He doesn't tell anyone about his inner turmoil, and with the infamous LED gone, even Hank can't tell. Until the illusion breaks.

   He's hanging out with Markus and them when the topic is ever so casually thrown into the conversation. "So, you two are a thing now?"

   "Kinda," Simon says. Josh wraps an arm around him. "We're just kinda experimenting."

   It made sense, Connor figured. They did fight together for freedom, got each other through some trying times, both believed in pacifism (unlike North, the crazy bitch), both spent a lot of time together, even before Markus showed up in Jericho, more than likely. "Trying to find a preference?" Markus asked.

   "Mostly."

   And then Connor felt all three pairs of eyes on him, and he dreaded whatever it was one of them were gonna say. It was Simon to be the bastard to ask the impossible question of the century. "So, what are you into, Connor?"

   Connor was one of the most advanced androids out there. Anything any other model could do, Connor could do better, any question that would normally stump a lower model android, Connor could answer. He couldn't answer this. He fidgeted with the coin in his hand awkwardly as he tried to think of an answer. "What... What do you mean?"

   "Do you like men, women, or both?"

   He doesn't know. "Um... I don't know how to answer that question."

   "Well, you like Hank, don't you?" Markus asked. If androids were physically capable of blushing, Connor would be doing so. "Don't lie, we know you like him."

   It was true. And it was obvious. He spoke highly of Hank to everyone he encountered, including Hank himself. He'd developed a couple of Hank's mannerisms, he felt his thirium pump go wild out of his chest cavity anytime the older man even so much looked at him, he was, as the internet had explained, head over heels. But he wasn't _attracted_ to Hank. Not in the physical desire way, like Markus was to North, or Simon and Josh were.

   He wasn't attracted to anyone. Hank calls this an existential crisis, he thinks.

   "I have feelings for him..." Connor confirms, speaking slowly, trying to think of what to say after that. Honesty? Sure. "I'm not attracted to him, though. I simply enjoy his company."

   Everyone seems more involved in the conversation after that, but he drowns it out. How does he feel towards Hank? Weren't romantic feelings usually backed up by sexual attraction? Why didn't he feel that way towards anyone? Was there something wrong with him? Was he shallow? No, that couldn't be right. He thought Hank looked handsome, in his own, Hank-like way. He just wasn't physically attracted to him in that way... But why? After all this time of being deviant, Connor still had the same question. Something Kamski had asked him, something Hank asked him, something that would have kept him awake at night, were he a human.

   What do I want?  
\---------------------------

   Connor rarely has to use the extra set of house keys Hank gave him. The older man almost never locks his door anymore, which just makes Connor wonder why he gave him keys in the first place. Maybe he was too tired to remember to lock the door. After a long day at work, the police lieutenant would often stumble in, close the door, and crash on the couch. It was entirely possible that Hank was overworking himself, and forgot to do something as simple as locking the door behind him. At least he lived in a good neighborhood.

   He's not at all surprised when the door opens the moment he turns the handle because of this, and he's even less surprised to see Hank half passed out on the couch. The moment the door opens, he looks over, having been dragged from his half asleep state. "Hey, Con." He greets, his voice hoarse, probably from not having used it the past few hours.

   "Hello, Hank."

   "So, how're your Jericho buddies doing?"

   "Simon and Josh are a thing now," Connor muttered. Hank let out a short laugh.

   "Yeah, I kinda figured that was gonna happen when you mentioned how much they were hangin' out."

   Connor liked talking about his Jericho friends a lot, and Hank would have been lying if he said he wasn't interested at least a little bit in what those guys were doing. They were obviously okay enough people if they could keep Connor's interest. Ironically enough, Connor still associated himself with Hank, despite the fact that the older man couldn't see why he would want to. Maybe he was some sort of paradox, maybe it was because he provided Connor with company and a roof over his head, Hank didn't know why.

   "They seem happy together," Connor said. There was something... Off about his tone. Hank sat up in his seat, trying to read the empty expression on his face.

   "Somethin' wrong, Connor?"

   "Well, they asked me something that I don't know the answer to," Connor admitted, trying to follow the trend of being emotionally honest with his human in an attempt to get Hank to open up more. It had... Kinda been working so far. No reason to give it up when he'd gotten this far with him.

   "What's the question?"

   "They asked me what, or I guess, who, I'm into... Gender-wise, that is." Connor replied. Hank gave a short nod, and Connor read his expression; understanding?

   "Humans struggle with that kinda thing all the time, Con," Hank said. "You don't have to get all worked up over it. You'll figure it out, one day."

   Connor played with the coin in his pocket for a moment as he thought of a reply. "Shouldn't I just know?" He asked.

   "Sometimes, it ain't that simple." He explained. Connor frowned. "Just think about it this way. Do you see yourself hooking up with a girl, a guy, both?"

   That was basically still the same question, just worded differently. Connor furrowed his brows. "I... Don't know...?" He said. "Neither, I guess..."

   Hank snapped his fingers a couple times as if he was trying to remember something-- Connor had no idea how that helped, but he'd seen humans do it before. "There's a word for that... Asexual, I think? Look it up."

   Wasn't asexuality something where animals bred by themselves? Nevertheless, Connor looked it up, anyway.

 _a·sex·u·al_  
   without sexual feelings or associations. a person who has no sexual feelings or desires.

   He read the description out loud, and Hank listened. "Does that sound like you?"

   It... Kinda honestly did. It was like finding a piece of a puzzle and putting it into place. The metaphorical puzzle was nowhere near complete, as there were still a lot of things Connor had to learn about himself, but at least this much made sense to him. He nodded a little. "It explains why I wasn't bothered about downloading that sex update a couple months ago."

   Hank still seemed very troubled by that update, and he kinda visually cringed, but he seemed happy that he'd been able to help Connor figure this out. "Cool, so you're asexual. Most people are probably gonna want to make you feel like shit about that, but don't let 'em get to ya. Humans are spiteful towards things they don't understand. It scares 'em."

   "But, what about romantic feelings? Aren't romantic and sexual feelings usually tied hand in hand?"

   "Not always. You can wanna date someone without wantin' to fuck 'em. It doesn't make the relationship or the feelings any less valid." Hank said. "What kinda person do you see yourself going out with?"

 _You_ , Connor wanted to say. If Hank was correct, which he probably was, then being asexual didn't rule out the feelings Connor so obviously had for him. But Hank was a recovering alcoholic. Connor had never been fully able to get Hank to stop drinking. He'd gotten the older man to stop playing Russian Roulette, but he still wondered most days if merely existing was still a chore for Hank. He wasn't ready for a relationship, still struggling with depression, and Connor still had things to figure out, too. It could wait. "Either a man or a woman... I could find companionship in either, I think."

   "That answer all your questions?"

   "Yes, I think so."

   "Alright." Hank yawned. "Lemme know if you need anything else."

   "Lieutenant?"

   "It's Hank. We're off duty."

   "Hank, do you mind if I ask a personal question?"

   Hank chuckled. "I think I already know what your question's gonna be, but go ahead."

   "What kind of person would you date?"

   "Either," Hank answered. "'M not picky. Anything else?"

   "No, that's all I wanted to know. I'll start up on dinner now." Connor replied. Hank muttered his usual thanks like he always did when Connor made dinner, which was most nights. The first month or so, Hank had insisted Connor didn't need to, but, Connor had told him that he liked cooking, and Hank eventually gave it up. Now that Connor had that hunger update, he could even eat with Hank.

   All the while he cooked, Connor couldn't help but look up more about asexuality. For hours, he'd been uncomfortably questioning what he wanted, and now he had a word for it. He even looked under images and found that there was a flag for asexuality. A black, grey, white and purple stripe, in that order. He liked those colors together.

   A week later, Hank had mentioned that Connor should decorate his room (the lieutenant had given Connor his son's old room, which Connor figured must have been hard for him. He tried telling Hank that if it was too much, he didn't need to give Connor that room. It still had Cole's stuff in it, and the entire time they were cleaning it, Connor could tell how sad he was. Hank insisted, though. _"Your stasis mode is still really creepy. Besides, you should have a space of your own, even if you don't really need it."_ Connor stopped trying to argue). "Humans decorate their room to make it more personal. You should do the same. It's kinda fun to plan where personal belongings are gonna go."

   "Hank, I don't have personal belongings... Besides my clothes, and that fidget spinner you gave me."

   "Well, order some stuff online that matches your personality. I'll pay for it. 'S not like I got much else to do with my money, now that you won't let me gamble or drink."

   Connor could tell he wasn't as annoyed with that as he was making it sound. They poked fun like this all the time. He decided there was no use in arguing with Hank. If he didn't order at least one or two things online, Hank was gonna go on about Connor never letting him do anything for him. Which wasn't really true, mind you, because the only reason Connor knew that was because of the countless other things he 'hadn't let Hank do for him'. Hank ended up doing them in the end, anyway.

   Besides, Connor figured Hank was kinda right. Arranging things in his own personal space to reflect his personality sounded kinda fun. Sounded, at least, like something to do, and Connor was always looking for things to keep him busy. Hank handed him his tablet, and Connor searched online.

   Given there were still a lot of things Connor didn't know about himself, always a step behind every other android it seemed, he didn't get much. Just enough that Hank would be satisfied, and not rag on him about 'never letting him fo anything for him' (which, again, wasn't true). When the stuff came in the mail a day later, Connor dug through the boxes until he found the favorite thing that he'd ordered. "What's that?" Hank asked, standing in the doorway.

   "It's an asexual flag," Connor answered. "I don't understand a lot of things about myself yet, so this being one of the more important parts of my identity, I figured I should get something to represent it. Plus, I like the colors."

   Hank just chuckled, which confused Connor, but he didn't press it. To Hank, it seemed Connor was becoming more and more human every day. At least, he finally knew what he wanted. That was more than some humans could say.


End file.
